The Cowherders And The Word Of DOOM
by Lindelewen
Summary: Just a silly little thing. Done as a dare for Elite Evil FF Dare people. Purely Stupidity. Can Snape save the castle from an invasion of cowherders. And what exactly is this word of DOOM? only one way to find out...enter at your own risk...


siriuslives dare: 1. Snape must be the star of this fic  
  
2. the following things must be said:  
  
- "BUY DURACELL BATTERIES!"  
  
- "[insert name] has chunky, orange, body fluid!"  
  
- "Look! It's organized little people."  
  
- "oooohh...cows...."  
  
3. Dumbledore must be killed. His death must involve a dictionary. Please make it funny.  
  
4. Ron should be spotted wearing 'I LOVE SLYHTERIN' underwear  
  
5. Voldemort should expel Bill and Bob from his clique because he's allergic to coffee and addicted to cookies  
  
6. The following things must be mentioned:  
  
- Donald Trump  
  
- a cook book  
  
- Wonder Bread  
  
- Pink tights  
  
- a teapot that looks like an eggplant  
  
Due date: 25th May. Extended  
  
The Cow Herders And The Word Of Doom Snape was sitting at his desk when he felt the all too familiar searing pain on his right forearm. He knew what he must do. When Snape arrived in the dark forest clearing most of the Death Eaters had already arrived. He moved to his usual spot in the circle and anxiously waited. The Dark Lord spoke; "I have gathered you all here this night to discuss matters of great importance. It has come to my attention that a few of you have been breaking the rules that I have so carefully laid down. Bill!" Bill came forward trembling "Y-y-yes m-my Lord?" "You gave me coffee when I expressly ordered you to bring tea! You know coffee gives me rashes! You are out of this group!! Avada Kadavra!" A blinding flash of green light filled the clearing and Bill fell to the ground. Nobody dared to move. The Dark Lord called another forth: "Bob, I believe I told you everyone here that if they wanted to be a part of this clique, they would wear pink tights on every Monday and alternate Thursday. I also recall saying that you are only allowed to wear magenta robes once a week and ponytails should only be worn with the appropriate hair schrunchie," "Bu-but m-my Lord, Donald has magenta robes today and he wore them yesterday too," Bob stammered. Donald Trump look around nervously. "Silence!" shrieked Voldemort "You are being dispensed tonight because you tried to bring me cookies, no doubt in an effort to suck-up. You forgot that I am addicted to cookies and besides, the go right to my hips. Avada Kadavra!!!" Once again, blinding green light flashed about them. "Don't make me tell you this again," Voldemort said venomously, and with a flick of his wand he disappeared into the night. When Snape returned to the castle, he had a surprise awaiting him. He walked into the great hall only to find little people in the seats where the teachers should be. "Look, its organized little people!" he exclaimed. "What has been going?" on he asked Hermione, who happened to be close by. "Well, the little people have taken over the castle, and named Filtwick as their leader, Im sure you see why," she said rapidly. "Oh and they keep shouting 'BUY DURACELL BATTERIES! for some odd reason. Maybe they are the Duracell Dwarves, in my opinion..." At this point Snape decided he had heard enough and left Hermione to babble on to herself. Snape decided he would have to put an end to this utter nonsense himself. He made his way up to the staff table where the little people were eating wonderbread and looking up wonderbread recipes in a cookbook. "Excuse me," began Snape "but I believe you are in my chair" The little person, who he found out later was named Flibber, looked at him angrily. "Well its my chair now you great big baboons butt!" he proclaimed. "We have taken over and now you shall all be our cow herding slaves. It is a rarely known fact, but we little people are great cow lords. We herd cows here and there for profit." "But how-" "Don't question me underling! You are but a minion in our great cow herding land" At this point Snape looked out the window to see that thousands of cows had appeared and were grazing on the front lawn. "What the bloody-" He streaked out the front doors and down the steps. There he found Ron, Harry and Hermione trying to get the Cows into their fenced off area. The were failing spectacularly. "Ohhh...cows....I hate them" Snape heard Harry moan. "Oy! Get off you stupid cow!" shouted Ron as a cow bit into the seat of his pants. The cow ripped off his trousers and revealed his boxers. To everyone's horror they read 'I LOVE SLYTHERIN' in bright pink letters. "heh heh...erm...I can explain..." stuttered Ron, his face going a brilliant shade of red. Snape was absolutely enraged at what was happening to the school. That was it he decided! He was going to the headmaster.  
  
When Snape arrived at the stone gargoyle he said the password "Istanbul is Constantinople" and entered. He found Dumbledore in his office pouring over some parchment and there was an eggplant shaped teapot in front of him. "But what does it all mean?!?" he said to himself, not realizing someone had come in "I must understand this.." "Are you doing secret Order business?" Snape asked. "No," Dumblrdore replied slowly. Snape took a step closer and saw what the wise old headmaster was so puzzled over. There was a copy of 'Go Dog Go' open to the first page. "Ah...I see..." said Snape awkwardly "Well...hmm, perhaps a dictionary would help?" "Brilliant!" with that Dumbledore lept up and got down a dictionary from his many dusty shelves. He opened it and started searching. "D..E..F..G..ga..ge...gl..aahh...go. I see it now," Dumbledore read the entry on Go, and turned to Snape "thank you very much Severus, your help is greatly appreciated...whats this? wha... ahhhh NOOOOOOO!!" Dumbledore's eyes widened in terror as he stared at a word on the next page. "Oh NOO! I have just read the feared word of DOOM! It is fabled that he who reads this dreaded word shall die soon after. With chunky, orange, body fluid spewing forth. O darn.. Here it goes." And with those final words the best headmaster Hogwarts had ever seen, emitted orange chunky body fluid and died. "Well now what am i supposed to do!" Exclaimed and exasperated Snape. "Dumbledore has chunky, orange body fluid and the school is being run by cow herding little people!" Seeing that there was nothing left to live for, Snape promptly threw himself out the window into the lake below. Now, I bet you're wondering what the rest of them are going to do. Well i don't know. And if you keep asking me I will unleash the dreaded word of DOOM on you. That's right...You heard me... now go! I said Go! Ok you asked for it [insert DOOM word of your choice here] HA HA! evil cackle Now you have orange chunky body fluid spewing forth too!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!! hack cough hack ehem... excuse me... 


End file.
